evie altman
art and stuff


asshole kyle

this is the story of asshole kyle.

i am suing asshole kyle john waldron. i have never sued anyone, ever, in my 54 years, 363 days of life. scott did, yeah, but not me.

so i bought a car from asshole kyle john waldron on memorial day. a couple days before i had driven it, and was ready to buy it but he didn’t have the title (!) and wanted me to pay anyway. nosirree. then he went on a silent retreat (!!) for a couple days and when he got back asked if i was still interested. i’ll let the unabridged/unedited text messages speak for themselves here.

5/24/19; 12:18pm

Kyle: Hi Evie.

Thanks again for taking the time to come look at the vehicle. I’ll be in touch when I come out of my silent retreat. Enjoy your weekend.

Evie: Thanks!

Kyle: I ran the carfax report and this came up. Three of the owners after the original owner were dealerships.

Retail value is $6,870 but if you’re willing to commit to the purchase once I get the title I will guarantee you the vehicle and give it to you for $6000.

I’m doing this because I’d like to have the peace of mind that it’s taken care of, as I know the other folks who are interested are shopping also.

Evie: thanks for the update. i just ran the kelly blue book, and that’s actually on the high side. i’d prefer not to commit before you have the title in hand. but please do call me once you have the title. in the mean time, have a great meditation!

Kyle: Will do.

5/27/19; 2:01pm

Hello. Hope you had a good evening. I’m wondering if you are still interested in the vehicle, or if you’ve moved on.

Evie: i’m still interested once you get the title, and if you will work with the price suggested on the kelly blue book search that i previously sent you. hope your silent meditation was peaceful!

Kyle: Thank you. It was magical to say the least. I have lowered the price on Craigslist to $5850 and would be happy to sell it to you for $5300.

Evie: once you have the title, you have a deal

Kyle: Title is in.

Evie: ok. are you around for the next hour?

Kyle: Yes.

Evie: We are here. Come on down and please bring the title

5/29/19; 10:00am

Hey Kyle. At the Maryland state inspection, they found that the right front axle needs to be replaced, which I kinda thought. That's workable for me at $275. I have to do that to pass inspection. What I didn't realize is that the engine is leaking oil through the head gasket. That's a much more expensive prospect ($2500 or so). I can't, in good conscience, have my son driving the car with this problem. I can't re-sell the car knowing about this defect, and if you took it back, you couldn't either. Would you be willing to split that cost with me?

Kyle: Hi. I’m so sorry to hear about that. That’s overwhelming even for me to hear. I would like to take a couple days to consider splitting the cost with you. I want to make sure that I’m making a decision from the right space.

Evie: I understand. Can you let me know before the weekend?

Kyle: Yes. I’m really, really sorry to hear that. I’m actually super pissed as the guy I bought it off assured me it was in good shape.

Evie: I hear you. I'm kinda pissed art myself too!

5/30/19; 2:14pm

Kyle: OK so this is what I came up with.

I don’t have a lot of money. In fact the money that I will be getting from the check you wrote me is all I have until I generate income when I get back to DC in August. And the majority of that money is already going towards my life for the next two months.

However I do not want to do to you what the mechanic I got the car from, did to me.

I reduced the price of the vehicle sale by $900 from what you would originally offered to pay me. I don’t have $1200 on top of that to give to you, but I am willing to pay you half of the gasket cost (will need estimate/quote/receipt from a mechanic) minus the $900.

So if you paid $2500. I would pay $300 ($1200 - $900).


Evie: Thank you for your response Kyle.

I am most definitely sympathetic to your situation; however, I don’t agree with your logic for splitting the amount required to fix the head gasket leak. I purchased a car that was advertised as “mechanically excellent” and expected that it would be such. The mechanic dealing with the car (Chris at Kensington Auto Clinic, 301-929-0355, 3831 Plyer’s Mill Road) has quoted me a price of $2500 to bring the Subaru up to mechanical excellence, notwithstanding the amount I have already paid out to get the car past Maryland inspection (in addition to the front left axle rod, some of the lights were not working, etc.).

The ethically and financially appropriate position at this point is to split the cost in half. I am certainly willing to give you a few weeks to get me the $1250. Alternately, I am willing to return the car to you for a return of my full amount paid, wherein you will actually be better off than before because I have already put more than $300 into the car to help make it mechanically sound.

Please let me know which you would prefer by tomorrow at noon.

Kyle: I hear your position.

To my full knowledge the car was in mechanically excellent condition. I also gave you an opportunity to take the care to a mechanic before you purchased the car and you didn’t. Now you are not accepting my efforts to make amends.

I’m really sorry you don’t agree with the ethics around my attempts to make amends to you in some way. Legally I don’t even have to.

I just spoke with a couple lawyers. Unfortunately I am in the right in this situation.

Worst case scenario, you put a stop payment on the check, breach our contract, we go to court, you lose, and then in addition to the $5300 will have to cover the thousands of dollars in costs that breach will have done to impact my life.

Those additional costs will likely fall between $3500 - $ 6500

In addition to my lawyer fees and the $5300.

Or you can take my $350 and the $900-off deal I gave you and call it a lesson (take it to the mechanic before you buy it).

Your call.

Evie: Or you can take my $350 and the $900-off deal I gave you and call it a lesson (take it to the mechanic before you buy it).

Kyle: I wish I HAD $1250 to give you! And I would, if I didn’t give you the car for $900 less than what you’d originally agreed to pay. Just for trying to be a good human.

Is you copying and pasting my statement an agreement to move forward with the $350?


You know what, fuck it. I will pay the 1250 that you are asking but I do need a couple of weeks.

If we end up going to court about this I will let down dozens of people and will not be able to afford to go work as a camp counselor because I’ll be broke and fighting you in court.

Additionally I will lose thousands of dollars in down payments I’ve made for training programs and would have to further sue you to recoup that money.

I just want this done with.

I have literally 5 dollars to my name right now so I need the check to clear, can make a partial payment, and then will be able to pay you the rest in a couple weeks.

I will put it in writing if it makes you feel more secure.

You have my word.

I despise this feeling of anger and tension. And I REALLY want to go work with my kids this summer.

Evie: Kyle I see you are texting but I am or right now at a meeting. Will text you when I'm done.


Hi Kyle. I just returned home and have read your texts. Thank you for agreeing to split the cost in half. I really appreciate it. Please do take your time. You can mail me checks as you have the funds. My address is 4401 Stanford Street, Chevy Chase MD 20815.

Kyle: I’m really sorry for being aggressive. I think I kind of freak out in situations like that. Thank you for being understanding. Sorry for the inconveniences. Really.

Evie: You’re welcome. And thank you.

6/17/19; 4:49pm

Hello Kyle. When will I be receiving the first check?

Kyle: I am out of state now. I will have funding to send you the check in July but will not be back in state to have a check made until mid August.


Evie: I can take the money via PayPal so we don't have to wait until August. When in July will you have funding?

Kyle: I’ll let you know first week July when. Not sure now.

Evie: Thank you

8/13/19; 10:23am

Hello Kyle. It’s not mid August. When can I expect to receive the $1250? Thanks, Evie

8/14/19; 2:22pm

Hi Kyle. Not sure if you received my text from yesterday? I was asking when I can expect to receive the $1250 you promised. Thanks.

radio silence people. radio silence. so yeah, i have the papers drawn up for DC small claims court. no time to get down there before we left, but i will make it a point to get there next week. 

fucking asshole.